“To the Ones Who Hold Us Together: A Love Letter to Family Carers”

Caring for a loved one with a chronic illness is like signing up for an escape room you can’t leave—except instead of puzzles and mysterious keys, you’re solving medication schedules, battling endless NHS appointments, and trying to decipher why the GP’s phone lines are busier than Glastonbury ticket day. If you’re a family carer, you’ve probably asked yourself questions like, “How many times can one person explain PIP forms?” and, “Is it too much to ask for a cuppa without interruption?”

Carers are often described as unsung heroes, but that phrase doesn’t quite do justice to the sheer level of effort, sacrifice, and resilience you bring to the table every day. So, let’s make it clear: you are not just heroes—you are the glue holding everything together, the engine keeping the family running, and the expert in a thousand little things no one else seems to notice.

This is for you.

The Invisible Heroes

When someone is diagnosed with a chronic illness, the world understandably pivots to their needs. Friends and family rally around them, offering love and support. Meanwhile, the carer quietly steps into their new role, often without fanfare or even much of a choice.

You’re the person Googling symptoms at 3 a.m., deciphering consultant letters like they’re written in ancient runes, and navigating hospital parking as if it’s a sport. You’ve probably perfected the art of looking calm and composed while mentally juggling an endless to-do list: Call the GP. Chase up the repeat prescription. Cancel work to attend the MRI appointment that’s already been rescheduled twice.

The thing is, carers often exist in the background. You’re so busy making sure everything runs smoothly that your contributions can go unnoticed—not because people don’t care, but because you make it look effortless. (Spoiler alert: it’s not effortless. You’re just really, really good at it.)

What They Don’t See

There’s so much about being a carer that people don’t see. They don’t see the nights you spend worrying if you’ve done enough. They don’t see the moments you sit in the car outside the pharmacy, taking a deep breath before going in because it’s the fifth time this week. They don’t see the heartbreak of watching someone you love struggle and feeling powerless to fix it.

And then there are the practical challenges—things you never imagined you’d need to learn, like navigating the Byzantine maze that is applying for benefits or mastering the intricacies of medical jargon. (Seriously, who decided that “acute” means both really bad and it’ll probably be fine?)

But you do it all, day in and day out, because you love the person you’re caring for. And that love is what keeps you going, even when you’re running on empty.

It’s Okay to Feel All the Feelings

Let’s talk about emotions for a minute. As a carer, you’re probably familiar with the whole spectrum: guilt, anger, frustration, sadness, and sometimes even a strange, bittersweet joy.

You might feel guilty for snapping at your loved one after a particularly tough day, or for secretly longing for a moment of normality. You might feel angry at the universe, at the healthcare system, or at the sheer unfairness of it all. You might feel sadness for the life you and your loved one imagined but can no longer have.

And here’s the truth: all of those feelings are valid. Being a carer doesn’t mean you have to be perfect. It doesn’t mean you can’t feel frustrated or overwhelmed. You’re human, and it’s okay to feel all the messy, complicated emotions that come with this role.

The important thing is to give yourself grace. Remind yourself that you’re doing the best you can in an incredibly difficult situation.

Your Well-being Matters Too

Here’s something carers often forget: you matter too. It’s easy to fall into the trap of thinking your needs come second—or third, or fourth—but the truth is, your well-being is just as important as the person you’re caring for.

You can’t pour from an empty cup, and you can’t keep caring for someone if you’re running on fumes. So, take the time to look after yourself, even if it’s just five minutes with a quiet cup of tea. Reach out to friends or family members who can help lighten the load, and don’t be afraid to say, “I need a break.”

There are resources out there to support you, too. Here are some great places to start:

• Carers UK: Offers advice, an online community, and information about carers’ rights.

• Carers Trust: Provides grants, local support services, and advice tailored to carers.

• NHS Support for Carers: Information about benefits, respite care, and assessments.

• Age UK: Support for those caring for older adults.

• Mind: Help for carers supporting loved ones with mental health issues.

The Humour in the Chaos

Let’s face it: caring for someone can be utterly ridiculous at times. Like the time you booked a GP appointment only to realise it clashed with another GP appointment you’d booked earlier. Or when the chemist handed you three months’ worth of laxatives because someone ticked the wrong box on a prescription.

Finding humour in the chaos doesn’t mean you’re taking things lightly—it’s a survival mechanism. Laughing at the absurdity of it all can be the duct tape holding your sanity together. So, embrace those moments when you can.

You Are Seen

To every family carer out there: I see you. I see your strength, your resilience, and your love. I see the sacrifices you make and the weight you carry, often without complaint.

You might not always feel appreciated. You might not always hear the words “thank you” as often as you should. But your role is vital, and you are valued—not just by the person you care for, but by everyone who loves and relies on you.

So, take a moment for yourself today. Make that cup of tea, or at least microwave the one you made three hours ago. And remember: you’re doing an incredible job.